Thursday, November 4, 2010

Day 20 - It's Personal

November 3, 2010

I've never been too good at sharing anything about my personal life - but I'm working on it in hopes that I can learn and benefit from it. I recently lost someone very special to me and he is the inspiration behind the creation of this year-long challenge.  So here goes....

Hi Dad,

It's been a little over two months since you died and I'm still really struggling with the fact that you aren't here. As more days pass, I realize how much I relied on you for support - in good times and in bad - and how much it affects me that I can't just pick up the phone and call you. I realize that my phone calls to you greatly helped me deal with stress in my life - you would always listen to me and what I had to say that day;  you always picked up the phone regardless of how you felt. Unfortunately, talking to mom is just not the same.

I knew you were a great man but as time passes without you, I realize even more the commitment you made to your family - and that you kept it both in good times and in bad. I hope you know how much I love you and how great an influence you have been in my life. I am very proud of the fact that I was raised on classical music, Shakespeare, and changing my own oil. I am so grateful for every day I had with you - even the bad ones. I think you and I have a very special relationship that I will always cherish. I'm so thankful to have had someone like you in my life - I feel like I have learned from both your triumphs and miseries and I am grateful for it.

So where do I go from here? I feel lonely sometimes without you - you really "get" me and always have. I feel like I am somewhat of an enigma to the family sometimes. It's hard to move forward in life without your biggest fan and moral compass. But I am making every effort to get to a better place knowing that you will always be in my heart. I know our long talks on the phone where we would keep saying goodbye but never hang up are now just a happy memory. But I know that you were - and still are - my biggest advocate, my shoulder to lean on, my person to share grand ideas and dreams with. I hope that you are still watching and listening because I plan to keep talking even though I keep trying to say goodbye. I'll never hang up.

Love you with all my heart,
Sarah
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